So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
