Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
