I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
