Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
