My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
