Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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