6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
