I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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