Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Couch. On fire.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
