I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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