I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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