I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
