im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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