I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
