Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
