My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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