Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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