tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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