What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
