He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
