I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
