Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
