Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
