I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
