So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
