I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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