We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
