who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
