you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
