you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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