Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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