just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
