I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i've created a new STD.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
