i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
