And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
