white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
