Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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