I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
