wanna go halves on a baby?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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