I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
