My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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