I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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