I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
