I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Life is so much better after having sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
