I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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