I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
