is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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