sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
