she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
