So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
