i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
