Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
